Im starting to wonder if there is such a thing as good news in my life.
In case you didnt see or forgot about 2 weeks ago they did a bunch of bloodwork on me and my liver enzymes came back elevated at 109 (normal is from 0 to 40)... they were hoping that it was from drinking one night over that weekend or all the vicodin I had taken that month due to my wisdom teeth so they had me take NOTHING except my metformin and prenatal vitamin and BCP (because I am in the middle of an IVF cycle).
Well this wed they drew my liver labs again. I got a call yesterday and said that I had to stop metformin immediately and go see my primary care physician because my ALT came back at 167, in a week and two days it went up that much.
I am DEVASTATED. First of all, what will my primary care dr do?! She doesnt know anything about any of this and noone ever gets it when I explain why I am on metformin and im not diabetic. Second, I am supposed to start lupron on wednesday.... I CANNOT handle a cancelled cycle. I really cant. I am scared they are going to tell me that I cant take ANY meds because of my liver until it gets better.
Also, if I do get to cycle it will be without my metformin. The drug that in supposed to increase my egg quality and PREVENT MISCARRIAGE.
I feel so broken.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
My visit today!
Today I had my pap, trial transfer, saline sonogram, IM teaching for DH, and blood work for my messed up liver (i am still very sad about this and scared that they will have to take me off of the met).
Trial transfer- not bad at all. It really didnt bother me and didnt take too long.
Saline Sono- This actually was really uncomfortable for me. I had more discomfort with this than I did my HSG. Everything looked good and she didnt see anything unusual.
She also wanted to look at my ovaries and this was the most painful part because my left ovary ALWAYS gives them problems. They say that it seems to be behind my uterus (weird right?!). Well its excruciating for them to look at it on u/s.
We go in tomorrow morning for our consent signing and to hand over wayyyyyy too much money but im excited!!!!
Trial transfer- not bad at all. It really didnt bother me and didnt take too long.
Saline Sono- This actually was really uncomfortable for me. I had more discomfort with this than I did my HSG. Everything looked good and she didnt see anything unusual.
She also wanted to look at my ovaries and this was the most painful part because my left ovary ALWAYS gives them problems. They say that it seems to be behind my uterus (weird right?!). Well its excruciating for them to look at it on u/s.
We go in tomorrow morning for our consent signing and to hand over wayyyyyy too much money but im excited!!!!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Big day tomorrow!
Tomorrow morning I have to go into the Drs office for a couple procedures.
First a Saline Sonogram:
A saline infusion sonogram (saline sonography) is routinely performed to make sure that the endometrial cavity (inside of the uterus) appears normal. Benign uterine growths, such as endometrial polyps or uterine fibroids, may develop in the cavity and create an environment that is hostile for implantation. Scar tissue may also be identified with the saline infusion sonogram. This procedure may be done as part of an evaluation for recurrent pregnancy loss or done prior to an IVF cycle. It may also be done to evaluate causes of irregular or very heavy menstrual cycles and some types of chronic pelvic pain. The saline infusion sonogram is scheduled early in a menstrual cycle, just after your period stops but before ovulation – usually between days 5-12 of the cycle.
Second a Trial Transfer:
In addition to evaluating the uterus for abnormalities we also like to evaluate the shape and length of your cervix and uterus by performing a trial embryo transfer under ultrasound guidance with the same catheters and techniques we use for the embryo transfer. During the trial transfer we will take measurements and make notes that we can refer to during your embryo transfer. If problems are encountered during the trial transfer we can make the necessary changes to ensure the best embryo transfer possible.
Third a pap.... somehow being that there have been so many thing (catheters, ultrasound probes, people, etc) in my crotch I didnt even notice that I had not had a pap since about a year and a half ago. Oops.
Fourth: Justin is going to have injection teaching so that he is able to give me my trigger injection and my PIO injections every day after my tranfer. I am dreading PIO because I have never heard anything other than horror stories about it.
First a Saline Sonogram:
A saline infusion sonogram (saline sonography) is routinely performed to make sure that the endometrial cavity (inside of the uterus) appears normal. Benign uterine growths, such as endometrial polyps or uterine fibroids, may develop in the cavity and create an environment that is hostile for implantation. Scar tissue may also be identified with the saline infusion sonogram. This procedure may be done as part of an evaluation for recurrent pregnancy loss or done prior to an IVF cycle. It may also be done to evaluate causes of irregular or very heavy menstrual cycles and some types of chronic pelvic pain. The saline infusion sonogram is scheduled early in a menstrual cycle, just after your period stops but before ovulation – usually between days 5-12 of the cycle.
Second a Trial Transfer:
In addition to evaluating the uterus for abnormalities we also like to evaluate the shape and length of your cervix and uterus by performing a trial embryo transfer under ultrasound guidance with the same catheters and techniques we use for the embryo transfer. During the trial transfer we will take measurements and make notes that we can refer to during your embryo transfer. If problems are encountered during the trial transfer we can make the necessary changes to ensure the best embryo transfer possible.
Third a pap.... somehow being that there have been so many thing (catheters, ultrasound probes, people, etc) in my crotch I didnt even notice that I had not had a pap since about a year and a half ago. Oops.
Fourth: Justin is going to have injection teaching so that he is able to give me my trigger injection and my PIO injections every day after my tranfer. I am dreading PIO because I have never heard anything other than horror stories about it.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
IVF meds arrived
Today I waited around all morning to sign for my meds being shipped in from Akron. I am pretty sure that my fridge and kitchen table look like a pharmacy.
Here is alllllllllll the meds (except for 1 thing I havent gotten yet):
This is my collection of injection meds.... all of which I will be shooting up with:
I think I have somewhere close to 150 syringes and needles if not more:
I will be swallowing like 20 pills a day:
I think that my body may be in for a shock. PLEASE BE WORTH IT!
Here is alllllllllll the meds (except for 1 thing I havent gotten yet):
This is my collection of injection meds.... all of which I will be shooting up with:
I think I have somewhere close to 150 syringes and needles if not more:
I will be swallowing like 20 pills a day:
I think that my body may be in for a shock. PLEASE BE WORTH IT!
Friday, August 13, 2010
First Nuclear Meltdown for IVF #1
It was thursday night and DH and I were sitting on the couch just watching TV when all of the sudden I looked around and thought to myself "If i see one thing out of place I am going to lose it!". So I immediately got up off the couch, yelled that our house is a pig sty, and started what is now referred to by DH as a "freak cleaning". I immediately started throwing things, papers, mail, everything away. I cleaned of the coffee table, organized the living room, unloaded the dishwasher, did the dishes, cleaned up the mail counter, cleaned off the kitchen table, packed away 4th of july things, vacuumed, dusted, shook out rugs, put laundry in and then fell back onto the couch only to realize I am a crazy person.
Not more than a minute went by and I was crying.... DH looks at me and says "Why are you mad at me?". I tell him that it has nothing to do with him. I then go on to realize how scary it is to be excited for IVF w/ICSI #1 because I now have hope and that means that if it doesn't work my hope will be crushed AGAIN and it will be harder this time. Its hard to feel like close to $20,000 isn't enough to lose let alone all the hope that you have built up. Its always scary and exciting to move on to something new, in this case is started out as mostly excitement which has now turned into terror. Terror that I will be the reason it doesn't work, terror that I will blame myself for not doing this or that, terror that there is no next step besides donors and adoption. Just plain TERROR.
None of this includes the terror that we have if we do get pregnant. My risk of miscarriage is so incredibly high that I know I would spend every day of my pregnancy terrified of the "what ifs". All the money that we had to make the perfect nursery with all the bells and whistles is gone. We wont be able to buy all the stuff we would need for baby. My mother in law assures me that that is what family and friends are for but its scary knowing that you have to rely on that because everything you ever saved is gone. Most people worry that once they have kids they will spend all of their money on them, we are worried because we are spending all of our money just trying to get pregnant in the first place. Its funny how I used to dream of the perfect nursery and what nice daycare/school I would send my kidS too and now Im scared that I wont ever get to make those decisions and I am also having to let go of that dream because we wont have the money to do either of those things. We will be maying the equivalent to an expensive ritzy daycare to some bank who holds all of our debt from this process.
Now, dont get me wrong. I would NEVER give up trying to have a baby of our very own. I know that for most people its easy and for me its a constant battle with health, emotions, money and many other things. But here I am climbing, praying I will reach the top someday, just knowing that in the end this has to be worth it, there has to be a peak atop this mountain where our dreams come true. Right?! Well I certainly hope so and if not it certainly wont be for a lack of effort.
Not more than a minute went by and I was crying.... DH looks at me and says "Why are you mad at me?". I tell him that it has nothing to do with him. I then go on to realize how scary it is to be excited for IVF w/ICSI #1 because I now have hope and that means that if it doesn't work my hope will be crushed AGAIN and it will be harder this time. Its hard to feel like close to $20,000 isn't enough to lose let alone all the hope that you have built up. Its always scary and exciting to move on to something new, in this case is started out as mostly excitement which has now turned into terror. Terror that I will be the reason it doesn't work, terror that I will blame myself for not doing this or that, terror that there is no next step besides donors and adoption. Just plain TERROR.
None of this includes the terror that we have if we do get pregnant. My risk of miscarriage is so incredibly high that I know I would spend every day of my pregnancy terrified of the "what ifs". All the money that we had to make the perfect nursery with all the bells and whistles is gone. We wont be able to buy all the stuff we would need for baby. My mother in law assures me that that is what family and friends are for but its scary knowing that you have to rely on that because everything you ever saved is gone. Most people worry that once they have kids they will spend all of their money on them, we are worried because we are spending all of our money just trying to get pregnant in the first place. Its funny how I used to dream of the perfect nursery and what nice daycare/school I would send my kidS too and now Im scared that I wont ever get to make those decisions and I am also having to let go of that dream because we wont have the money to do either of those things. We will be maying the equivalent to an expensive ritzy daycare to some bank who holds all of our debt from this process.
Now, dont get me wrong. I would NEVER give up trying to have a baby of our very own. I know that for most people its easy and for me its a constant battle with health, emotions, money and many other things. But here I am climbing, praying I will reach the top someday, just knowing that in the end this has to be worth it, there has to be a peak atop this mountain where our dreams come true. Right?! Well I certainly hope so and if not it certainly wont be for a lack of effort.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
IVF nurse called
So RGI just called me .... well Terri the IVF nurse did..... more bad news! My liver enzymes came back dangerously high =( they are wondering if it is from the alcohol this past weekend or from all the vicodin that I have had to take in the last month but what they are really worried about it that it is the metformin. I have to have it retested in a week or so because if it is still high they have to take me off the metformin (which would be very bad) so that my liver doesnt shut down =( Scary right?! The normal level for an ALT is 5 to 40 and mine came back at 109.
She said that my FSH came back better this time because before (in her own words) it was "CRAZY low". umm, ok?! My DHEA Sulfate was still high and I will have to take dexamethisone for it again.
The meds she told me that I would order/be on were:
Follistim
Lupron
HCG
PIO
Valium
Vicodin
Medrol
Doxycycline
Prenatal vitamin
Foltex (I was supposed to startit but now they are worried about my liver so I have to wait)
Metformin (HOPEFULLY.... PLEASE GOD!)
Dexamethisone
Aspirin
She said that my FSH came back better this time because before (in her own words) it was "CRAZY low". umm, ok?! My DHEA Sulfate was still high and I will have to take dexamethisone for it again.
The meds she told me that I would order/be on were:
Follistim
Lupron
HCG
PIO
Valium
Vicodin
Medrol
Doxycycline
Prenatal vitamin
Foltex (I was supposed to startit but now they are worried about my liver so I have to wait)
Metformin (HOPEFULLY.... PLEASE GOD!)
Dexamethisone
Aspirin
Monday, August 9, 2010
IVF consult was today!
I found out today that not only to I have PCOS but I also have hypothalamic amenorrhea.... apparently it is extremely rare to have both???? I dont know.
I am going to be doing long lupron protocol. I start BCP tonight!!! I will get my exact meds and schedule soon because she ran like 17 different labs on me today (CD3) and wanted to get a better look at some more of my horomones.
The only bad part is that it is going to cost us more than we thought and now we are scrambling to try and find money or a loan etc. GRR, IF SUCKS! I never thought I would have to shell out 10 grand before even starting a cycle not counting all the additional costs and payments after that. :::deep breaths:::
Im really excited to be getting started though!
I am going to be doing long lupron protocol. I start BCP tonight!!! I will get my exact meds and schedule soon because she ran like 17 different labs on me today (CD3) and wanted to get a better look at some more of my horomones.
The only bad part is that it is going to cost us more than we thought and now we are scrambling to try and find money or a loan etc. GRR, IF SUCKS! I never thought I would have to shell out 10 grand before even starting a cycle not counting all the additional costs and payments after that. :::deep breaths:::
Im really excited to be getting started though!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Beta
I have my beta tomorrow morning, as I said before I took an HPT on tuesday and it was negative so Im expecting to get that confirmed. Ugh!
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
11dpIUI
I POAS this morning and I got a BFN.... stark white... not even the slightest sign of a second line. I am going to get a beta on thursday to make sure. This BFN is weird, I just want to move on.
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