Monday, February 7, 2011

today has been tough

Today was kind of like running into a brick wall. I dont know what to blame for the way I feel today but I dont like it! I have been feeling "off" all day. I have been tired, shaky, had an upset stomach, headache, sore butt, emotional day. I have cried at least 5 times and I just dont feel right.

I know what you are thinking.. "YOURE PREGNANT! OF COURSE YOU DONT FEEL RIGHT!" but today I just feel worse. I dont really like to complain about pregnancy because I am so thrilled and thankful to be pregnant that I am savoring every moment of it because I thought I may never know what its like. Today just feels like im getting sick or something.

One thing that has been weighing heavily on me is the bad news that we got at our NT scan last week. We havent gotten all of the results because we have to see what the blood work says this wednesday but the waiting is killing me. Its so hard to think that MY little baby, with 10 fingers and 10 toes, could be sick in there and there is nothing I can do. All I can do is hope that everything is ok. When the doctors say that this test is good because is results come back after more testing and you have a child with downs or trisomy 18 you have the option to "end" the pregnancy before you are toooooo far along. Those words feel like a knife in my chest. End the pregnancy? Give up what I have worked all this time for? I cant imagine that I would ever even consider that. Trisomy 18 terrifies me, if basically means that your baby will die in utero or at birth. Can you imagine?! I dont want to but I cant help but think about it. All of these things are just making me an emotional basket case. I just want a healthy baby to bring home and love.... why does this have to be so hard. Every step on this journey has been SO HARD. Why change now, huh?

Our little one, as well as Justin and I, could use all of the thoughts that you have to give us. Its a rough week and we are doing our best but its hard.

On another note- I had my first dream that included the sex of my baby last night and I dreamt that it was a GIRL. Wonder if thats a sign? =)


  1. I am sorry. I am sending every good thought I have your way!! I hope everything is okay and the rest of the pregnancy is easy. ((hugs))

  2. I love you and you know my thoughts are always with you! I just know you will get good news on Wednesday.
    <3 xoxo

  3. Holding you and your sweet baby in prayer, and hoping for good news tomorrow.

  4. As Em said, thinking about you always. We love you and will be with you every step of the way! I have been thinking about Baby Daniel a lot lately...and I know that he/she wants you to relax and think happy thoughts! Call me if you need anything Howie! I am always seconds away from my phone! Praying for AWESOME news on Wednesday.

  5. The NT thickness is only one part out of six that they use to determine trisomy risk - the others are blood hCG, blood PAPP, weight, age, and smoking status. Plenty of chromosomally normal babies have slightly thicker NTs. I know it's tough, but they can't make an accurate risk prediction until they put all the bits together.

    Thinking of you.

  6. New to your blog- my thoughts are with you. Honestly I want you to know that first of all it sounds like this guy was a huge unprofessional jerk. Secondly, please don't rely on what he told you as far as results go. The scan when done properly takes anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour depending. My thought is he didn't give it enough time at all. So many different measurements go into the NT fold calculation there is no way that he could have possibly gotten them all for the correct measurement in that amount of time. When you get your blood results back it will give you a risk assessment percentile. If it's under 1/250 I'd ask for a repeat NT scan. They can do it until 14 weeks 0 days. It will put your mind at ease. Also, I'd recommend doing the AFP at 18 weeks. It will be a good follow up to your NST.

  7. Oh, Lindsey, I'm so sorry for the wait you're going through! I can't imagine! I hope they get back to you with good news SOON! Definitely insist on a repeat NT scan!
    Don't feel bad about complaining about not feeling good. That's what your blog is for - to say how you feel! And we all came into this looking for a baby, not pregnancy! We're all happy to go through whatever pregnancy throws at us to get to that sweet baby, but it's still hard sometimes!