Saturday, July 31, 2010

I have the BEST RE!

Justin got sick about a week ago and has been on antibiotics. I was shocked but happy that I never got sick. Well here I am, sick. I woke up this morning with my ears feeling full, my throat hurting, drainage in my throat, stuffy nose and a complimentary headache.

I absolutely CANNOT miss any work next week and I am in a wedding on friday so I need to NOT be sick. I started trying to call my doctors office and realized that I dont know what antibiotics I can take during the 2ww. I called the on-call service for my REs office, told them what I needed, and they took my info and said that my RE would call me. Well my phone rang in about 5 seconds and it was my RE. She's awesome. She told me what I could take and what I could not take. Then she asked for my pharmacy number to call me in a script..... without me even asking!!! My old RE would NEVER do that. I am so so happy that I found my new RE that I cant even put it into words.

8 days post B2B IUI

Its 8dpB2BIUI and I am really not even minding this 2ww. Normally I am going crazy waiting to POAS but this time I am really not thinking about it. I think its because it honestly hasnt even crossed my mind that this IUI may have worked. I dont know if this is because I have done so many that I just know they dont work for me or if my brain is just using this as a defense mechanism so that I wont get so upset when I get my BFN. Either way it has been an odd first week of the 2ww.

As of now I am think I will POAS on tuesday or wednesday and then on thursday.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Crash Saga Continues

I am sitting on the couch crying, hahahaha. The girls insurance company called me and they are SO MEAN. I feel like she is against me (obivously), her insurance is against me, and I am all alone with noone fighting for me. Heres an update:

I went to reynoldsburg last night and filed a police report and spoke to an officer. Apparently, the police wouldnt have come anyways because we were on private property so I feel a little less dumb. The officer is going to get the surveillance tape and attach it to the police report. She is supposed to call me once she gets it and tell me how it looks and what is shows but she said it could be the end of the week because she didnt know when she would have time to get to it (GRRR!). So she said to call the insurance company and tell them that there was a police report and that the police are obtaining a video of the incident. So i Called and left a message for Miss Butts (yes thats right) to call me. She called me today and she is just so rude. She basically said (but not in exact words) that if the video didnt show it really well then I was gonna be screwed and they were denying based on the fact that their client said she didnt hit me. WOW. So I cried. I called Justin because I felt like noone was fighting for me and I didnt understand why my insurance wasnt torturing her..... the lady at my insurance treats me like a stupid 5 yr old child. So Justin called and now they wanna help... ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! So I have to go get dressed and call them and make a claim while I am driving. I am just so over this, I hate the girl that hit me! I guess believing that people are good and trustworthy is a complete farce these days!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Nice people always lose.

I got a call today from the girl's insurance (you know... the one that hit me while I wasnt moving) and she said she didnt hit me and they are placing a dispute on my claim. I am ready to rip this womans hair out I am so mad. DONT MESS ME WITH LADY, IM ALREADY MAD ABOUT ENOUGH!!!!! And my insurance said they are probably going to deny the claim on the basis that "their client claims she didnt hit me". WOW.

What kinda world is it where lying and deceit are repaid. Negative reinforcement is apparently the way everything works now. This is what I get for trying to be a good person and believing there are still honest people in this world.

I COULD LITERALLY JUST SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Silver lining: I called Speedway and they said that the police can come there and see the surveillance tape and get a copy. So I am going all the way to reynoldsburg to file a police report after I go save a goose (yes, save a goose... i will post a story about this tonight!)

Monday, July 26, 2010

Today = Not My Day

Allow me to explain:

Work sucked and my at last appointment opening a new patient and doing paperwork I was stuck with an over-sharer who talked for 2.5 hours and at the end said that they house felt hot..... i checked the thermostat and the heat was on and it was 92. I keep my house at 66... enough said.

I was 1.5 hours late leaving for my dentist appointment due to this man. So I leave and when I hit the freeway exit to the dentist it is dead stopped at 3pm.... i sat for 35 minutes to go 200 feet.

Got to the dentist, had jaw bone broken off of where it was sticking out of my "impacted wisdom tooth hole graveyard". OUCH.

I leave the dentist and go straight to the gas station.... as I am sitting waiting my turn I get HIT! someone just hit me while I was sitting still. To top it off she started to drive away!!!!!!!! I got out of my car and ran after her screaming "YOU HIT ME, YOU HIT ME!" So she comes back.

Bottom Line.... NOT.MY.DAY.

And I am on the progesterone supps for the first time ever (last night was my second day on them) and HOLY TIREDNESS!!!!!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Im supposed to put that WHERE!?!

Today the progesterone support starts. Tonight I have to start using progesterone suppositories. Yep, you heard me right SUPPOSITORIES. They came in the mail and I was like.... "I GOTTA PUT THOSE WHERE?!?!?!". Well its not my butt ladies and gentlemen. They look like oral gelcaps filled with powder. I will let you how this goes tomorrow. I have to insert one each night and make sure to lay flat for at least 15 minutes after. I am going to do them before bed each night :/

Friday, July 23, 2010

Last IUI is done

Today was part 2 of my back to back IUI #5.2.

I love my new Dr and I just cant tell you how thankful I am that I found RGI. Here is the GIANT catheter they use for the IUI (TMI im sure but oh well!)

Everything went fine and the post-wash counts were good (doesnt show morph), but the counts were better than yesterday. As I was laying there on the table waiting for the timer to go off so I could get up, get dressed, and leave I was thinking about how weird it was, after all of these IUI cycles, that this was my last IUI. It was like closing the book on one phase of this journey and opening a new scarier one.

IVF is no joke. There is surgery involved, even larger amounts on money involved, and a lot more emotional/physical trauma involved. I never thought that this journey would get this far. I really thought each new thing we tried was the answer. I remember when I started Clomid and I just knew that was all I needed! That kind of hope is so blind but so comforting. At this point after all these meds and procedures I dont have that "blind faith" that something will work. I know now that there is a good chance that nothing will work. We are at the end of the road..... IVF with ICSI (when they actually fertilize for you too) is the do all end all. If this doesnt work our only option is adoption or a gestational carrier or a donor.

IVF will mean shots in the morning and night, oral meds, ultrasound and bloodwork more days a week than not. I am ready, I think.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Why I love penguins

Penguins are the mascot of infertility. I find myself seeing penguin things and I want them all because they mean so much to me now. Here is why?

The Emporer Penguin is the strongest of all penguins. When an emperor penguin minds a mate he mates for life. They are the only ones brave enough to breed during the Antartic winter and they travel an enormous distance (31-75miles every year) over the ice to lay a single egg. After the female lays an egg, she entrusts the male partner to protect and incubate the egg while she returns to the sea to get food forherself and the baby- and then travels that distance again to give the baby the food. Then the male and female take turns guarding and feeding the baby and share in the parenting responsibilities throughout the year. The Emporer Penguins are very social penguins and all those in the colony help eachother and will even take over parenting duties when needed.

Seems to fit women and their dh's going through IF - and the long journey we all take.

One Day

One Day I will no longer look forward to treatments,
I won’t have to inject myself, or take another set of pills.
Infertility won’t haunt my daily thoughts,
My hopes won’t be crushed after every cycle,
I won’t cry inside when I hear a friend is pregnant,
Or when my period comes, inevitably, every month,
I won’t constantly hunt for information,
Or try to decipher the “signals” that my body is sending me,
Or wonder if something I eat, drink, do, see, think could prevent pregnancy,
One Day I will be the one with two lines,
Scared every day to lose a life inside of me,
Experiencing morning sickness,
Swollen, painful breasts, Swollen ankles, Fatigue,
And the joy of becoming rounder everyday,
I will discuss pregnancy and motherhood with other women as an equal,
I will hear a heart beating inside me that is not my own,
I will see a tiny “bean” grow into a Baby on ultrasound,
I will buy tiny clothes, cribs, strollers, carseats,
I will prepare a nursery fit for royalty,
One Day I will feel contractions grip my body,
And feel the anticipation of meeting my Little One,
And rush to the hospital,
We will be nervous,
And we will get through this too…together,
And we will meet Our Baby…our precious, beautiful Baby.
We will count ten fingers and toes,
We will wonder who he/she looks like,
We will finally announce the arrival of our baby to our families,
And we will take Our Baby home,
To the nursery fit for royalty,
And count our blessings,
And cuddle our Little One endlessly,
And know how truly, truly blessed we are.
I believe that one day we will have all this, and more

A lot to take in

So I went in for part 1 of my back-to-back iui this morning. My RE came in and started to go through some test results with me for a repeat SA and strict morphology we had done on monday.

The SA looked ok, slighty low motility as usual. Then she said that the strict morphology came back at only 3% and that it should be 5% or higher. I asked when this meant and she said that 3% is really a grey area. She said at 4% they usually try a couple IUIs because there is still a decent chance that they can work. At 1-2% they usually move right to IVF. With 3% she said there is very slight chance that IUI can work but they usually only try one or two. Well this is IUI #5.2 for us.... although our first with her. She said that she thinks that we should move on to IVF with ICSI if we are not pregnant this cycle. She was really nice and really understanding with me. She said that she would do whatever I want to do but that was what she thought would be best.

WHY on earth did my other RE REFUSE to test morphology and waste out time and money. I HATE THE OLD RE OFFICE.... how freakin negligent. I mean SERIOUSLY!

Overall I am mad and kinda scared but excited that it might be the answer too.

So we went ahead and did the first part of my IUI today and I have part 2 tomorrow. I am not feeling like it is going to work at all.. should I be?!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

how weird!

Let me be the first to say how WEIRD it is not to have to give myself a shot tonight. I feel like my night is incomplete and I am confused haha. I am so anxious for this IUI tomorrow and friday.... eek! Lets get this show on the road!


This morning I woke up to being TERRIBLY nauseous. I have no idea why but it was miserable. After pulling myself together (and missing my shower due to nausea time spent in front of the toilet) I left for my RE appointment.

First thing was my blood draw to check my E2 level. Those results I wont see until tomorrow morning unless something came back horribly wrong im assuming. Then my RE came out to get me. YES, I said my RE, not her nurse or an assistant or anyone else, came out and got me. I LOVE HER... I cant say that enough times. As I got up on the table and she prepped the ultrasound she asked how I was. I told her that I was good and that I was just hoping that too many of the follies hadnt progressed so we wouldnt have to cancel the cycle. She asked me how many was to many ... I just said "You tell me". I think she was happy to get this response because in most cases your doctor really knows best. We then talked about how weird it was to be hoping not to have too many follies because normally I cant get any to grow at all.

Ok, on to the ultrasound. My lining was 7.5 which is fine. On the right side I had a 17.5mm follie that will ovulate and then a small one that wont ovulate, I think it was around 12mm. On the left I have a 17.6mm that will ovulate and then a 15.9 that MIGHT ovulate but we are not sure. Also on the left there were at least 5 other follies that measured between 10 and 14mm.

So the IUI is on!!! We are doing back to back IUIs on thursday and friday! I have never done back to back IUIs so it is exciting. Here is the bad news: All of the follies that are over 10mm and will not ovulate will become cysts. Sooooo next cycle, if I am not pregnant this go around, I will not be able to cycle and I will be on birth control pills again to shrink them. DIDNT WE JUST GO THROUGH THIS?!?!? So frustrating.

The nurse came in and gave me my trigger injection so I am set. Tomorrow I should also find out the results from the SA and strict morphology that we had done on monday.

After lots of thinking and talking with Justin I think we came to a decision. If this cycle is a BFN then I think we may not do another IUI right now and just move on to IVF. For an IVF cycle you have to be on BCP for a month before stimming and ER and ET. If I am going to be on BCP I would like for it to be for something and not just wasted time. So I think this might be what we are leaning towards. Scary.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Visit to the ER

Let me start off by saying that I am a mess! I had some impacted wisdom teeth cut out last wednesday and my pain is not getting any better... I am still taking vicodin every 4 hours and wishing I could take it every three. My cheek re-swelled today and I am concerned that I might have dry socket.

On sunday morning I decided to use a qtip in my ears (which I rarely do) and the moment I stuck it in my left ear I couldnt hear.... it has been like that since sunday morning. Well today I finally decided to put some peroxide in it and try to clear it because it was driving me bonkers..... well the peroxide wouldnt all come back out. It was 10 times worse and I was miserable. DH and I drove all over town looking for those "ear wax candles" and couldnt find them. So, I bought a removal kit from CVS. We came home and I tried and it didnt work. I was miserable and finally decided I was just gonna go have it irrigated. I hate going to the ER for something like that but it was unbearable.

Well now I am home and let me tell you ITS LIKE IVE NEVER HEARD BEFORE! Everything is so clear! hahaha.

In the morning I go to the RE to see when/if I trigger. We are hoping that I didnt have too many follies progress (this has never happened for me because they usually cant get any, haha!). Then I have to go to the dentist and have my mouth checked and stitches removed.

In addition: When the ER asked what meds I was on and I listed them all I am pretty sure they were confused. They kept saying "I see you are diabetic".... no, im not! lol.

I am glad to be home and I am glad to hear again!!!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Really Good IF Article

I know this article is long but if you take the time to read all 9 pages the things that you learn are both shocking and saddening. Infertility is the "private cancer" that noone fights for.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

2nd monitoring appointment of IUI #5.2

So far so good. My actual doctor was back so it was really good to get to see her for the first time this cycle and to get to ask her some questions.

After the nurse did blood work (which she had trouble doing) we went and did the ultrasound. My lining was 7.6 and needed to be a minimum of 7 so that was good. On the right ovary I had 3 follicles at 11mm, 8mm, and 6mm. On the left ovary I had 3 follicles also at 12mm, 10.5mm, and 9mm. So she was happy with the progress but we need to make sure that all of these follicles dont mature because we cannot do the IUI with any more than 4, at the absolute most, follicles. She had to wait for the blood work to come back to see what we were going to do with my med dosage.

She then had "the IVF talk" with us. We knew this would be coming at some point since we have already done more IUIs than the average couple ever does but I guess I was still surprised. It is scary to know that we have reached the end of the road and our next step is the last option that there is. If IVF doesnt work then we have to live babyless. She said that she was willing to (if we wanted to) do this IUI and one more and then move on to IVF. We are just hoping one of these next two IUIs work and we dont have to go that far. The stress on your body, mind, and life is overwhelming with IVF and we are prepared to do that if needed but we know it will be a struggle. I hope that my body can take it.

So, here we are nearing the end of the road and its scary. I go back on wednesday for another ultrasound and blood work and we will decide if its time to do IUIs this thursday and friday.

Saturday, July 17, 2010


I must like to torture myself because I just say on and searched for bedding, cribs, strollers, car seats, pack n' plays etc. Why do I do that?! I need a baby.

Friday, July 16, 2010

i am a masochist.

I LOVE doing my stim shots. while they hurt i actually LOVE feeling like I am doing something. The metformin makes me sick and I love taking it because it gives me hope. The vitamins and metformin are HUGE and hard to swallow but I love swallowing them. the dildo-cam totally hurts but I excitedly awaits dates with it. Getting blood drawn hurts but I would get my e2 drawn every day if I could.

yep, i totally have a problem.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Ultrasound and Blood Work #1

Even though I was dying in pain this morning due to my mouth I was really excited for my monitoring appointment. Today I saw Dr.Nash..... he said he was Dr.James' partner so I guess the two of them work closely together. This was the first dildo-cam date I have had that REALLY hurt. My left ovary had shifted and was hiding behind my uterus so it was really painful to get a picture of it. He told met that I had lots of small follicles in each of my ovaries and that was good at this point. There was no lead follicle yet but it is early. My e2 level came back at 126. I assume this is good because they decided to keep my follistim dose the same and not increase or decrease it. They also set up an order for progesterone suppositories.... thrilling hahahaha. I have heard that they are messy and uncomfortable but I will do anything at this point. I am glad that my new RE wants to treat my progesterone issues. I cant believe that in my last injectable cycle I was on these drugs:
1. Gonal-F
2. Ovidrel
3. Prenatal Vits

With my new RE I am on these meds:

1. Prenatal Vits daily
2. Metformin 2000mg daily
3. Dexamethasone 0.5mg daily
4. Follistim 175IU daily injection
5. HCG
6.Progesterone Suppositories

Such a difference a new doctor can make. Like I tell my patients: You are youre own best advocate for your medical treatment. I am glad I mustered up the balls to change REs.

I go back on sunday morning for another ultrasound and blood work!!!!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Had impacted wisdom teeth cut out today and another one pulled. I AM DYING. The light at the end of the tunnel is that I go to the RE in the morning for my ultrasound and blood work!!! I cant wait to see how these new meds are working!

p.s. I am TERRIFIED to rip my stitches in my mouth?! EEK!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Monday, July 12, 2010

Mt. Meds

Here is the mountain of meds that I am going to be injecting and swallowing this cycle not even including the progesterone suppositories or PIO I will be doing for my progesterone issues.

Do I look like a junkie or what?! The girl at my pharmacy thinks there is clearly something ridiculous going on with me and I only get half of my meds there.... the other half are mail order because normal pharmacies cannot afford to keep these meds in stock. Does that tell you something?! THEY ARE TOO EXPENSIVE! But I will quit beating the dead horse and move on because I cant change this.

I took my dexamethasone at about 11am. At about 6:30 I injected 175IU of Follistim (which in my opinion burns A LOT more than gonal-f). I will be taking my last day of 1500 mg Metformin, before my dose is upped to 2000mg tomorrow (ouch), tonight. I will also take my PNV tonight.


Sunday, July 11, 2010

CD2 Ultrasound this morning!

I have NEVER been so excited for a date with the dildo-cam. This break/BCP cycle was just so boring and long!

Anyways, THE CYSTS ARE GONE!!!!!! So all systems are go.

The new REs office went over my blood work with me and revealed some more issues that they found. My DHEA-Sulfate was high so they said that they wanted to start me on Dexamethasone daily. My FSH was 1.8 and he said that was ok (although my Dr had it circled on the lab sheet?! and all the other things circled were issues). Like I said before, I have IR and they started me on metformin almost 4 weeks ago also.

So this new RE office changed plans on me and this is my med line-up for this cycle:

- Prenatal Vitamins Daily

- 2000mg Metformin Daily

- 0.5mg Dexamethasone Daily

- Follistim 175IU daily to start and then upping from there

Friday, July 9, 2010

Where art thou AF?!

Seriously.... where are you?! I wanted you to arrive this morning so I could go to my NEW RE (yay!) and get an ultrasound :/

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


1500mg of Metformin = horrible horrible horrible day. I did not think that upping my dose again would make this much of a difference even without eating. I was dying all day and didnt eat a bite of anything until after work :(

Come on AF!!!

I took my last birth control pill last night and now its on to the sugar pills that I dont take. If AF shows up around the same tine she did YEARS ago when I was on BCP then I think she should arrive on friday or saturday. GET HERE FAST AF! I hope she arrives on thursday or friday because it is much more convenient to go to the RE on those days because I am not sure how my new RE handles weekend ultrasounds.

Battle #2: Once AF arrives I have to go in for a baseline ultrasound to check and see if the cysts shrunk or went away. PLEASE LET THEM BE GONE. I dont think that I can mentally handle another break cycle on BCP. I havent had any of the pain that the cysts were causing before lately so hopefully that is a good sign!

On another note, I upped my metformin dose to 1500mg last night and I am sure it will go ever well with my GI tract. Let me tell you this: I learned my lesson about drinking AT ALL and metformin (=colon death). I am now POSITIVE that if I am going to drink I have to not take my met the night before drinking!!!!

Keeping on the lookout for AF!!

Saturday, July 3, 2010


I am sorry that I have been such a bad blogger. Since we are technically on a "Birth Control Pills to shrink cysts" break not a lot has been going on. I am just trying to get through this time without pulling my hair out. Is it weird to say that I miss the shots and doctors appointments?! Its not that I like hurting myself, its more that I felt productive and I like I was working towards my goal of being pregnant.

Yesterday was a rough one for me, a friend of mine got a BFN on IVF#2 yesterday and my heart was just broken for her. It was a perfect cycle and everything seemed to good until she had some progesterone issues after. I just dont understand why bad things happen to good people. We used to have the same RE before I switched and she is now going to switch to my new one (Or at least that office) and I think she will really like it (I DID!).

After she emailed/texted me and told me the news I turned into a 4 alarm grump!!! I couldnt shake my intense anger at everyone/everything. Is fairness to much to ask for? Are we being punished for some reason? Some days it feels like it. If youre reading this, dont give up hope.... I still know that an FET will be the answer for you!