Last night I took my first BCP to shrink my ovaries for this FET cycle. It marks the start of this FET cycle which is really odd because I dont feel like I have moved on. I feel stuck, I feel lost, I feel like I should have a hole in my chest that is still bleeding. Infertility is so hard to cope with because your pain cant be seen, they cant remove it like a tumor, they cant fix it with a cast, they can only tell me to "try again". So, here I am, trying again.
trying to look strong while I feel weak
trying to find hope that is gone
trying to feel normal in a crowd
trying to stop looking at the picture of our embryos
trying to move on
trying to put my feelings on an invisible shelf that I just cant reach.
I feel like I am on a treadmill at a dead sprint and I just cant keep up.
There is another IF blog I used to read. She said it well. When you are burried in the pain, it is so hard to hold onto your hope.
ReplyDeleteI'll hold onto your hope for you. I'm sure there are many others that will as well. We'll keep that hope alive for you.