Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Infertility is like Cancer.

Infertility is like cancer. You can choose to fight or you can choose to give up but no matter what you choose the outcome may be the same. You may never beat it. It consumes your whole life and takes away parts of your soul that you cant get back. You can fight as hard as you can and do everything that every doctor even suggests that you try and still not beat it. You may be thinking that if you dont beat cancer you die and this is surely worse... what you may not have realized is that if you dont beat infertility that is like the death of your children, or at least the death of the dream to have children. In no uncertain terms it is the death of your family.

It is easy for people to understand how having cancer consumes your life but people dont seem to quite understand how infertility does the exact same thing. I am a human pincushion. Every day I take tons of medications that make me feel awful. Everyday I am in pain. Everyday I feel lost. Everyday I pray that the fight will end. Everyday I am wondering what else I can do, what else I can change. Everyday I cry because I am so scared that I wont win this fight.

When you have cancer it is so hard to see how your disease is affecting the people you love, what will they do without you, will they be ok? When you are infertile you cant help but think of all the ones you love, do they resent you, the gifts you are taking from your husband, the gift you are taking from your parents to be grandparents, will my husband be ok without kids, will I be ok without kids?

When you have cancer its so hard to watch everyone around you be healthy and live normal lives. When you are infertile it is so hard to watch everyone else have what you dream of and get it easily and even take it for granted.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I feel like I have cancer. I feel like I am fighting for my life. I dont want a life without children. I dont want a life where I am so depressed and devastated all the time. I dont want to be jealous of other people. I dont want to cry. But, this is the hand I was dealt, so I fight. I fight because I dont know what else to do. I fight because I feel like I was wronged. I fight because I dont know how to give up. I am fighting and I am broken.

(I in NO way mean to say that infertility is worse than cancer. I am trying to explain the way that infertility makes a person feel and affects their life is similar to that of a person with cancer.)


  1. I just want you to know that I am rooting for you over here :) I read all of your posts ((giant hugs)) It's so unfair sometimes. I can't wait for you to be a Mom!

  2. You've inspired a blog post I'm working on.

    Hang in there my dear. I'm fighting for you too.

  3. Hugs... This is so true... So very true.

  4. THANK YOU!! So often I feel like people who don't experience IF think that I am overreacting, because it's not like I have a life threatening disease. So eloquently put.

  5. Wow. Thank you for this honest, beautifully written post. Do you mind if I share it on my blog?

    Hugs to you - you CAN get through this.

  6. I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. Only you will know when the fight is done and I hope you beat this! Big ((hugs)) to you!

  7. lifebytheday- Yes, you are than welcome to share! And if you dont wanna cut and paste and just wanna direct people here you can put my button that is on the left on this page in your post! Glad you liked it =)

  8. Great post. Often when people who have fought cancer die, you'll see in the obituary "fought a courageous battle against cancer". When I die (hopefully waaay down the line) I want my obit to mention my courageous battle against infertility, which I hope to win!

  9. Such a heartfelt post. I hadn't thought of the relation before, but it is very clear through your words. Thanks for putting that out there and being the voice of so many of us.

    ICLW #37