Sunday, November 7, 2010

Up and Down

Right now I would call myself down. I keep having "bad IF days" over and over and over. Im not sure why but it has been really tough lately. I think it is probably for a number is reasons:
1. I am so scared for this FET
2. We are broke and have completely run out of options/ways to pay for IF treatments
3. Its scary to think that I dont know what will happen or when we will be able to cycle again if the FET doesnt work
4. How will I handle an unwanted break?
5. Are the frozen embryos chromosomally stronger than the ones we put back with our IVF?
6. Babies are everywhere and EVERYONE is having them except me (it seems like it anyways)
7. IF meds make me sad, mad, confused, TIRED and a mess
8. Doxy makes me puke and I am so tired of it!
9. Lupron makes me sooooo incredibly tired
10. Work has been really really bad lately

those are just a few.

Most heartbreaking moment of the week: Last night I looked over and saw JD holding Bella like a baby and talking to her and softly tickling her head and I thought what an amazing dad he would be and how much love he has to give and I may never be able to give it to him. Does he ever wish he was married to a girl who could give him a baby? Am I worth losing all of that?


  1. He never thinks that. It's not like you chose this path, it chose you unfortunately. My Husband is the one who has the bad sperm but I would never think of giving him up in a million years, baby or no baby. Hopefully things get better for you soon!

  2. I love you, LinzVW! You need to remember that you are worth EVERYTHING! I know this will happen for you and Justin. Let me know if you need anything.
    Jack Hanya loves you too ;) I think we should go visit him together sometime soon!

  3. I'm sorry you're down at the moment. I know that exact moment you are talking about - the one where the fact that your husband would be the greatest dad on the earth just slaps you in the face? Youch. Try to keep you chin up. Hugs to you!