Beta Day

The nurse called at 7:35 this morning and told me that they wanted me to get a beta (blood HCG test) and a progesterone level because mine was so low at 7dpIUI. They also said that I needed to have it done before 9. I jumped out of bed and off I went. I went to the REs infuse and picked up the lab forms and headed to the lab to have my blood drawn. I was out of there and in my car by 8:50. This was going to be a long day of waiting.

At 9:30 my alarm went off to get up for the day....... Guess I didn't get to sleep in after all. I went and started seeing my patients early so that I could be done in time to get my call with my lab results and not have to work afterwards. I sped through my day and went immediately home.

I sat and thought and thought and thought. Finally, at 2:40pm my phone rang. I answered and I can barely remember the conversation. It went something like this "Lindsey, your beta was negative..... We don't know how you got a positive pregnancy test hunnie. Only 0.4 percent of people get a false positive and you musts have fallen in that population. Also, your progesterone was only 0.9."

What?! How?!?! Oh my god its over. There aren't words to describe the rush of emotions that flooded over me. I'm sure the neighbors could hear me...... I was crying so hard that I was screaming. They must have thought someone died when really it was just a piece of me that had died. I was so angry, so confused, so overwhelmed and so lost.

Last night, the happiest night of my life, Justin and I laid in bed and talked about our baby until we fell asleep. I never thought we would get to do that and we may never get to do it again. I will never forget the things that we said.