Time for an update...

First of all let me say I am sorry to all my followers. I went dark this week and didnt post because I have been really unsure of how to feel and wasnt really ready to share all the details with everyone. But after much dismay and consideration I cant keep you girls waiting anymore so here it is:

On tuesday morning I woke up and POAS. This is what I saw:

Looks like a whole lot of nothing, but if you turn it just right in the light you can see an invisible pink like where there is normally an invisible white line. This could not possibly be more faint. I literally thought that it was just my eyes seeing things because they wanted to so badly. Well, I drove (with the stick) to my friend Ashley's house because I knew she had a faint one when she got pregnant with her son and I wanted to see if she saw it to. I got there and told her that I was pretty sure my mind was playing tricks on me because in the car I didnt see it anymore really. Well..... she saw it too but it was ever so faint. This made me decide that I was not going to pee allllll day while I was at work and I would only have one drink and I would go home after work and pee in a cup (tmi I know) and then I could do another FRER and a digital also.

Justin wanted me to wait till he got home so I did. The FRER must have not been dipped long enough because there was no second line and the control line was really really light. Then I dipped a digital and this is what I saw:

This made both of us really excited but at the same time very nervous by the extremely light line on the FRER. It really is sad that when you deal with IF you are

robbed of the joy of a +HPT because you know its not that simple. We know we are high risk, we know we can get a chemical pregnancy, we know it might be a low beta that puts us through hell. But at this point we are at OMG ITS POSITIVE. That has only happened once and it was trigger still and we had to trigger to positive means positive.

Justin had to go coach hockey that night so I stayed home and ran my brain crazy with thinking. When Justin got home he brought me flowers and said "Happy first day being a MOM". He is so hopeful and I love this about him.

On wednesday morning I woke up and POAS again (of course because I am a crackhead once I start) and got a slightly better line but it was still SUPER light.

On thursday morning I was SURE that I was going to get a good dark line, and I didnt. Another faint line. At this point I am very worried. This could mean that I have a really really low beta (or HCG level) which would indicate a chemical pregnancy (a pregnancy that ends in m/c before it really even starts). I couldnt get this off my mind so after a little shove from Amie I decided to call the nurse at my REs office.

I called and talked with her and she made me feel so much better. Of course I should say that she always does, I adore this nurse and always enjoy getting to see her and talk to her. So after talking with her I felt better about my HPTs and I knew that I would survive till tomorrow morning for beta (friday morning). Then, LUCKILY, my patient whose house I had just got to wasnt home and as soon as I got back in my car my phone was ringing. It was the nurse calling back to see if I could get to the office by noon. HECK YES I CAN! (haha). She said that Dr.J asked her what I said and said to have me come in (oh how I love Dr.J!!!!!). So off to the office I went. I got the blood drawn and got to see the nurse, Dr.J, and the blood draw nurse all of whom I really like. Today make me remember, once again, how unbelievably thankful and happy I am that I switched to this new Dr and office. They are the best group of people a girl could ask for =) They said that I would have results this afternoon so now it was the dreaded wait!

A few minutes before three my phone rang.... the nurse told me my beta came back positive and that I am PREGNANT! The beta came back at 29. This is low but we tested a day early. They like to see it above 50 at 14dpo and today was 13dpo. So now its a waiting game to see what the results tell us on saturday. They want to see a 68% rise, im pretty sure she said 68. The nurse was really positive and happy and I am too. I am also terrified and really worried about this number getting the proper rise. 29 is not at all what I wanted to hear but at the same time I AM PREGNANT. Tomorrow I will be 4 weeks pregnant.

Today I am pregnant. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let this be my sticky baby and let my betas double correctly.

I am sorry I havent told everyone yet. Its just scary to tell people and make it "real" before we know it is real. Its hard because people who havent dealt with IF will hear that it was positive and think that everything is great now and all is solved and its not, YET. We arent out of the woods.... we dont even know where the woods are yet but let me tell you WE ARE OUT LOOKING FOR THEM!