Friday, April 16, 2010

Consultation Day

I dont really have the energy to go through my whole day but I will say this.... I am having an HSG on monday and IUI#3 has the same medication protocol that IUI#2 does. I am anxious and cautiously happy to be on to the next cycle. The only thing that is helping me get thru last cycle is that this one is already underway. I start meds tonight.... blah.... bring on the headaches, night sweats, hot flashes, vivid nightmares, and general crappy feelings.

I was totally embarrassed that I cried in Dr.W's office today. He told me that it was ok and he knows im on an emotional roller coaster but I felt so out of control. I probably cried about 10 or 12 times today.... better than yesterday when I probably cried 20 times. When will my tear ducts dry up and just quit? I feel like I have a constant pain in my chest.... almost a broken heart feeling and I just wish it would go away for a little bit. Overall, IF sucks and hurts. I have never felt so helpless and overwhelmed. I cant get it out of my mind.... its constantly there and I cant completely clear my mind. I lay in bed every night thinking for hours before I can even attempt sleep. Advil PM has become a dear friend of mine.

When I went to pick up meds today at the pharmacy I also bought the biggest bottle of Advil Liquigels that I have ever seen.... I think that I scared the girl who rang me out. She must have thought "Damn, this girl must get some serious headaches." She just looked at me and I refused to explain. If only they sold a giant bottle of pills for emotional pain and loss of control then I would be buying stock in them.

bedtime.... more to come tomorrow

p.s. when can I have fun again? I miss being the happy me that laughs and means it.... now I just laugh where appropriate.

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