"Here's to trusting that the end is worth it and never letting go of it's promise."

I heard this quote today and it spoke volumes to me. I know that the end is worth it if I end up looking into the eyes of a child who calls me "mom". I know that wherever this journey takes me it is worth all the effort. Dont get me wrong, it is a hard, painful, and frustrating road but when you have no other choice it is all you know.

If I got pregnant the first time that we tried would I REALLY know how badly I wanted to be a mom and how much it means to me? I dont think so. I dont think that I would have treasured a child quite the way that I will now had I not had to try so hard.

Today I called Dr.W's office to request a consultation before this next cycle of meds starts. Since AF came to town yesterday (wednesday) CD3 will be tomorrow. I normally start my Clomid on CD3 so I wanted to make sure to get to the Dr ASAP. I have so many questions for him about where we are going... what our long term plan is. I also need to discuss with him the HSG that I have been putting off. I think its time to buckle down and spend the $1.600 plus dollars. The only thing about it that scares me (besides the horror stories I hear about HSGs) is that it would be on tuesday and Justin will be out of town. Who will check me out of the hospital and listen to be bitch and moan all day?! Darn traveling hubby! He is probably so happy that he might miss this event and my whining. But hey, its what he signed up for when he married me! =)

With all this being said I feel like I am overwhelmed beyond belief. Last cycle didnt even really end before this one began. AF showed up at 12dpIUI when it should have been 14dpIUI or later. Last cycle AF never showed up and I had to take meds to start it so I had about 3 weeks to prepare myself (because I found out it was a BFN at 7dpIUI when they said I didnt ovulate). So this time AF showed up about 4 hours after I got my BFN..... I was still laying in bed crying when she came to town and trust me, it was more than I could handle. So here I am rushing into the next cycle without even being sure that we are on the right track. Thank goodness I get to go in and talk with my RE tomorrow before I take my meds.

On the bright side, DH got to come home a day early from his trip so he is here and I am so thankful to have him home =) He will get to go to my appointment with me which will be great.... sometimes I just need to know that he is on the same page and that Im not going through it alone.