Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Rough Morning

Well like I said yesterday "Hopeful days are few and far between". I woke up today only wanting to cry and lay in bed. I find myself terrified that if we were to get pregnant that we would miscarry. Most of the women I know on the IF board have had multiple miscarriages and this makes me think that there is no way that I can go through all of this without any. I have never even seen that darn second line on a pregnancy test... I dont even know what it looks like. I think that day (if there is a day) when I see one I will be as scared as I am happy. With the luck that I seem to have how could I skip all the miscarriages that seem to go hand in hand with IF?
My brain is going a million miles a minute today. I woke TWICE during the night to pee, and I NEVER wake up to pee in the night. So, of course it got me thinking "well maybe im pregnant!". Now, that being said, I am only 5dpIUI and it is really too soon to be having any symptoms/signs of pregnancy but what could cause that?! I wish my brain would just stop thinking about it all together.
It is kind of overcast and gloomy outside which feels appropriate for my mood and we are supposed to have thunderstorms today, which I LOVE. I hope they come soon.
All the meds that I take come with a laundry-list of side-effects. Let me list a few:
~ Mood Swings- check!
~ Weight Gain- double check! how can I eat so little and gain weight?
~ Headaches- I cant remember the last time I didnt have a headache
~ Nausea- Yep.
~ Hot Flashes- So intense you want a fire hose to dowse you in freezing cold water. and sleep.... dream on.
~ Insomnia- constant tossing and turning has totally made me want a bigger bed.
~ Rapid Hair Growth- just had to get my hair cut yesterday.
~ Cramping- not always but sometimes (thank goodness!)
~ There are a million more but I dont have the energy to go through them
So on an average day when someone asks me how I feel if I were to tell the truth I would say "Well I didnt sleep last night and had hot flashes like you have never experienced and I constantly feel like I am going to vomit. My head feels like someone is playing the drums in there and my mood changes so frequently even I am starting to think that I have multiple personality disorder. My hair is growing at an alarming rate and Im getting fat without eating. How are you today?"

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