Wednesday, April 14, 2010


12dpIUI =BFN. I feel lost, devastated, disappointed, let down, confused, angry, hurt, sad, mad, hopeless and broken. This was my best cycle yet and it didnt work?! How am I supposed to have any hope. This constant battle to pull yourself out of a dark place, feeling like crap with meds and procedures, forcing yourself into having hope, convincing yourself this is it, and having your dreams smashed gets really old. How many times can you peel yourself up off the floor and try again? How many times can you cry so hard you can breathe? How many times can you convince yourself there is hope before realizing that there isnt? How many credit cards and loans can you take out to cover the cost of trying to get what other people get for free?

I dont know what the next step is and I dont even know if I am ready for the next step.

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